Why I stay away from malls.

This is a short clip from my recent Dane Cook style monologue. 

It Cometh

Dave and Busted

Every once in awhile you see an ad that just reeks of something you would do. The thinking behind this ad is literally identical to my Monster campaign from last quarter. This doesn't mean I would actually go to D&B, but at least they moved up a couple brand points in my book.

 

If I'm gonna gonna go anywhere to drink and play video games, it's gonna be Chuck E Cheese. They have great beer, pizza and music provided by a in-house live country bear band. But I applaud anyone who successfully incorporates midgets into a campaign. Sometimes I wonder what school would be like if we had one. He would definitely take over Julio's spot as biggest ad slut. Maybe someday...

Faster and Furious...er

I was planning on writing this deep rant about my passionate hatred toward the fast and the furious franchise. However, due to lack of sleep and unmeasurable amounts of alcohol consumption, that will not be happening. We definitely turned Memphis dry. More on the bachelor/birthday festival in the future. Anyway...

The Fast and the Furious = entertaining

2 Fast 2 Furious = hilarious

Tokyo Drift = Slam my testicles in a car door.

Fast and Furious = ? (Unfortunately I'll have to wait to answer this until it takes over The Replacements on TBS every other day.)

Seriously? On my birthday? Is this a movie or a flavor of 5 gum?

My two favorite quotes from the franchise:

"If you win, you get my car. If I win, I get respect." An emotionally charged scene where Paul Walker challenges Vin to their first race.

"Pockets ain't empty cuz." Paul elegantly reveals that he stuffed drug money down his pants to keep the FBI from keeping it all. Being the perfect best friend, Tyrese Gibson also reveals to have been stuffing his pants the entire movie.

I can only hope the movie inspires a new generation of Civics with underglow and minivans with NOS. Joel Mchale's new Soup clip accurately sums up everything I have been saying about the new movie. Enjoy.